Rainmaker and / or Homemaker? My Quest to Find the Elusive Balance
It was school carnival time at my kids’ school. I was standing next to the “Spin It to Win It” game I had volunteered to run, ushering little ones through as they spun a big wheel to win a prize, checking off tickets, congratulating them and making small talk with the parents, all the while, keeping an eye on my two year old who was “assisting” me with the game (which actually meant sampling all of the candy and secretly stuffing prizes in his pockets). As I was high-fiving a kindergartener on her “win,” her mother asked me, “How do you manage it all? You know, working as a full-time attorney, being a mom to three little kids, making time for your home and husband, and still having time to volunteer?” I shrugged it off with a light-hearted comment and a laugh but the truth is… it can be really, really difficult.
It wasn’t the first time I have been asked this question or asked it myself. But it got me thinking, “How do I manage it all?” “Is there such a thing as ‘work-life balance’?” “Can you be a rainmaker and a homemaker or are they mutually exclusive?” “Can you really ‘have it all’?”
So, I did a little research on the elusive “work-life balance,” in an attempt to discover how many successful working parent/attorney “having it all” stories are really out there. What I realized is that the answer is the same answer lawyers love to give when asked advice: “it depends.”
Working parents differ from each other in life circumstances, finances, sacrifices, motivations and personalities and “having it all” looks very different from one person to the next. You have to decide what “having it all” looks like to you and strive for that, instead of what Pinterest or Instagram tells you “having it all” is supposed to look like. Furthermore, it is a total misconception that you can be successful on all levels – personally and professionally – all of the time (and still have time for a little sleep). You just have to make different sacrifices at different times. The key word is “balance.” It implies that there is give and take and trade-offs along the way. It is just figuring out when and where to make those sacrifices and deciding what the trade-offs (and the repercussions of those trade-offs – whether that be less income, missing a dance recital, or swallowing your pride) will be. Work-life balance isn’t necessarily elusive for those who believe it’s possible.
Many law firms are recognizing the need for working parents/ attorneys to have more flexibility and offer alternative work arrangements, part-time positions and even free housekeeping and at-home dinner delivery. However, in the legal field, those more flexible options can create even more challenges, with demanding clients, hectic deadlines, unpredictable schedules, hefty billing requirements and “schedule creep” – a phenomenon where part-time work slowly morphs into full-time work without the full-time pay. Parents feel pressure no matter what. Even though you can take “time off” to attend doctor appointments, school plays and soccer games, your time has to be made up somehow – at night or on weekends. And so, you are still spending time away from family – working. Furthermore, opting for a more flexible work schedule greatly reduces a lawyer’s ability to reach career goals, such as becoming a partner in a firm. This is 1940’s thinking in the 21st century and a fundamental problem within the legal industry – but that is a topic for another day.
During the course of my research, I realized that there was very little practical advice “how to have it all” or “attaining that work-life balance.” No simple list of things to check off. And, now I know why. Finding that balance is different for everyone and unique to only you. However, I have come up with a list of a few of the things in my life that help me feel a little more balanced:
A good support system / supportive spouse
Flexibility at work
Prioritizing intentional time with my children and husband
Reliable child care
Being organized
Exercise / Making time for myself
Doing work that I enjoy
Of course, there are many other things that help to bring some semblance of equilibrium to our busy life; however, as the needs of our children and the priorities of our jobs shift, so do the things that make it all work. Is it always pretty? No. Is it always stressful? No. It is simply a balancing act.